The Spittle and Froth

Welcome to the Time Shaft: Endgame

2006-05-08T17:13:00.000-07:00

That's right. Shitty sci-fi title for my final post.

Wow. People still find their way through the cyber-ether to this blog. Well, I'm officially closing up shop. My final metaphor for this blog:

Think of this blog as a tunnel in a mineshaft, like at the end of Temple of Doom - you know, catacombs with tiny train tracks everywhere. This blog is the tunnel completely boarded up with a Death's Head stenciled on. Nothing's happened in here really since late 2004, early 2005, barring the final Katrina post. If you want to journey into bad memories of politics and world events, go for it. I'm writing other things now. This is The End. Get lost in my Roman Wildnerness of Pain, bitches.

This was fun for awhile. It was cool to see just how far around the world our ideas can get It was a nerd-triumph for me that people in Alaska, Europe, and everywhere else looked at this at some point. There were some pretty cool people who dropped a line to say hi or whatever.

So that's that. My mine cart just rolled up, I'm gettin in. Come and go as you please, but its a ghost town down here. Make sure to get the lights and lock up.

Peace.

American Tragedy

2005-09-01T10:31:00.000-07:00

From the German Peridocial Der Spiegel, 8/31/05:

"In 2001, FEMA warned that a hurricane striking New Orleans was one of the three most likely disasters in the U.S. But the Bush administration cut New Orleans flood control funding by 44 percent to pay for the Iraq war"

And no National Guard to protect folks in New Orleans as they're all over in the desert.

When do we hit our breaking point with this pack of scoundrels? The Hurricane isn't their fault, New Orleans being built below sea level isn't their fault, the criminal element of humanity isn't their fault - but their ineptness at handling this is. How much more will it take before we out these guys? When is this shit gonna stop?

Give blood, give to the red cross, say a prayer. But turn a blind eye and a deaf ear to Stone Philips and all the other lampreys turning this catastrophe into another reality show.

Your Message Has Been Sent. Thank You For Calling

2005-07-19T13:03:00.000-07:00

Lately, we at the Spittle and Froth have been receiving more than the usual (read: any) amount of reader email. The gist of it has been:

"BO-RING", "Zzz", etc.

So, seeing as whoever it is writing me took the time to write, I'll open the floor up - what do you want to hear about?

I'm done talking politics, as I've said before. We're at War, It is almost the Year Two, Anno Dubya. This whole Karl Rove thing will blow over and we'll continue spilling blood on the altar of greed. Nothing changes. Nothing will. We're a faltering race of dumbfuck primates. (Though like all cynics, I am at heart a wounded idealist and would love nothing more than to be proven wrong on that. The documentary Murderball came close to doing that for me. Go see it.)

Smoke em if you got em.

Now if you'll pardon me, I have celebrities to live through vicariously.

The DNC Grows A Pair...Hopefully

2005-02-12T09:42:00.000-08:00

Howard Dean is the new Chairman of The Party. Many Democrats are flipping out.

I can understand why. Dean could change everything the DNC has worked so hard to build these last few years. Consider the string of non-stop success and winning of hearts and minds that has been the Democratic legacy, starting with the election of 2000, culminating with the election of 2004. The Democratic Party has been an unstoppable juggernaut for the populist cause, an engine of change in our Noble Republic -

Oh wait. The Democrats haven't won or done shit since Clinton peaced out. They have lost the respect of many of the people whose votes they take for granted (mine included). I hate to say it, but Nader was right about one thing - it looks like the Dems needed a few kicks in the face to realize that being the party that says nothing in order to offend nobody and hopefully get the people that hate your guts to vote for you does not work.

And of course, the media is still using the image from the Dean Scream to identify him. The Nutty Liberal Wacko. Change the channel... the Michael Jackson Trial.

And who could blame Dean for being Super-A Pissed that long ago night in Iowa? It was him, not Kerry, not Gephardt or any of the other professional politicians, him, who poured the piss n vinegar back into the Democratic party, made it alive again in some remote way, made it say something, gave it some zang. And what happened? Cowardice prevailed. The Spineless were afraid of projecting an angry image, a human image, so they chose to go with a safe, boring candidate, who we all convinced ourselves was electable (electable is another way of saying "Says Nothing, Scares Nobody"). The people who said they were behind Dean wussed out because they were afraid of offending the people who hate them anyway and would never vote for a Democrat.

So I'm glad Dean's in. He's got street cred and unlike Kerry, says what he means. The Old and Foolish in the Party fear Dean spells Doom for them - but they're already Dead. They couldn't defeat one of the most hated administrations in recent history -with the facts on their side.

They've had three elections to prove themselves, they've failed themselves and they've failed us every time. Their ways are tired and they don't work anymore. Pack your fucking bags, you're fired.

The Thrill is Gone

2004-12-28T10:14:00.000-08:00

Man, its hard to come up with a decent, bile raising post these days. Mainly because I've tuned out politics and the news to the bare minimum. Less grist for the mill, as it were.

I don't pay attention to politics because there will be no change in anything...well, ever. I've said all this before about our species never learning nothing except how to kill more of ourselves at one time, so I won't waste precious bandwidth repeating myself. Half of us are way out of step with the other half, nobody wants to listen to each other on either side. If there isn't some peace love and understanding soon we are headed for a second Civil War in the next fifty years. I wonder what the chess set for that will look like. Rich vs. Poor. Hmm, that could be a future post, maybe. Alright, I'll try and come up with what the class war chess set would look like and get back to you. Nobody tell the Franklin Mint. I don't want to see my genius game idea wind up for sale on the pages of Parade magazine or in their store in the mall, next to the model of the Rolls Royce Grey Ghost that can be yours for eight easy installments of $34.99.

I Demand Satisfaction

2004-12-28T09:52:00.000-08:00

Someone in the Peanut Gallery posted this as a response to my last post:

"You could have a great future if you switch to another drug of choice. God love you. Ha! Ha!!"

Whaa? And what's that got to do with the spread of democracy in Asia Minor? Nothing, just like the War we started.

I'm guessing this was posted by one of my malcontent friends who was kind enough to show up at the house a few weeks ago for my birthday celebration and relieve my wife and I of all that beer, ice cream, high grade booze and coffee that'd been cluttering up the Fridge. Apparantly whoever posted this didn't have the Sand (just watched Gangs of New York) to leave a moniker more creative than Anonymous...obviously fearful of my Posidon-like wrath.

I'm on vacation now elsewhere in the Nation. I dreamt last night that the Boss called me at my Undisclosed Location, nagging me about whatever. To dream about JobOffice is obscene. Must. Get. Out.

Knee Deep at the Bottom of the Hill

2004-12-06T13:45:00.000-08:00

A drunken electrician once told me that all I needed to know to be a plumber was that shit flows downhill. I'm sure those that ply the trade of plumbing need more in their brains then that, but it is a truism. Particularly at JobOffice.

I've become a champion at something I hate: Office Work. AKA Admin Support. A few years ago when I worked in a sky scraper I coined a more descriptive, honest term: Office Bitch. Which is what it really is, when it comes down to it. It seems to me there's an almost Feudal Infantalism that's bred into the Executive levels of our Business Culture. Take a message, make copies, mail something out? Sure. But you can walk your own fucking dog and clean up after him. You ain't payin me enough for that, boyo (Alright, I did walk the dog, but I did not scoop the poop. It was a big dog, with big poop...poop bigger than my salary).

What amuses me most is that, as per usual across Humanity, the people at the Bottom have more Power than they know. The Office Bitches and Minimum Wagers are the ones who come in an hour before everyone else, make the coffee, bring in the mail, clean the toilet that you left in a disgusting state, etc. Imagine if all the McDonald's employees decided to strike one day. A near impossibility (we'll probably see a member of the current Administration take responsibility for any one of their actions before we see that). They guys at the top would be effed. Or if all the Janitor's decided to call a general strike. We'd be in deep shit then - haw haw haw.

Office Bitchin' is alright, I think, if you've got a larger goal ahead of you. No offense to anyone who's made a career of being support staff, but to me it seems like a waste of precious life hours that I could be using for better causes, like Me.

Legion of the Doomed, Nation of the Damned

2004-11-03T13:55:00.000-08:00

Right. That's it then. America has spoken. She sounds like an fool.

I'm in the minority. I did not want Bush for a second time around. I'm missing something - I don't get how all of a sudden lies equal truth, failure is success, death is life. I'd best keep my head down, stay quiet. No questions. No loud music past lights out. Be on time. Smile. We are turning the corner. There is no turning back. It is the Year One, Anno Dubya.

I can't find humor in any of this anymore.

My apologies to the rest of the world in advance for the next four years.

Clear the Way for the Prophets of Rage

2004-10-22T22:58:00.000-07:00

I aplogize for the long pause. I've relocated my place of employ once more - now I'm really at JobOffice. I'm now making more money at job that demands more of me and is no more fulfilling then where I was at last - but at least there's windows and natural light and I don't feel like I'm going to work in a Bunker everyday. I'm hoping I won't have to be there for more than a few months. Anyway, there's the explanation to my legions of readers for my long absence.

We are down to the wire on the Great Horse Race. I've reduced my news and pundit intake to the bare minimum. To use the lingo of the Adult Entertainment Industry, the wad was blown after the First Debate. That was our one and only blessed moment of relatively unscripted discussion, without the candidates' respective shields and filters around them to dilute and distort what the other was saying. Kerry gave Bush what I've been calling a milquetoast bitchslap.

I think I've exhausted my rage reserves. I've pretty much been pissed off every time I turn on the news for the past four years. How anyone could still be undecided now makes me more angry than anything else. You've had six months of non-stop propaganda from both sides, PLUS YOU'VE BEEN LIVING IN THE COUNTRY THE SCHMUCK'S BEEN RUNNING, right? What's left to decide? What are you unsure about?

I think this whole Undecided Voter thing is what my High School English Teacher referrred to as an AGD: Attention Getting Device. The other night on the news they had this guy... An Undecided Voter, watching one of the debates, making little notes on his legal pad...because he was going to be on the local news. Ah! I'm going to realize my full potential as a sentient being. I'm going to be on television! That's all this is. I bet most undecided voters know who they're voting for, they're just not giving it up because they want to cash in on feeling like the candidates are talking especially to them, and maybe even more - feeling a part of something. People chasing these feelings in politics don't usually lead down the brightest paths.

Maybe somewhere there's a former Undecided Voter agonizing right now...because he just made up his mind and is no longer eligible for the Waffle House Breakfast Mixer the GOP's throwing tommorow. And he can't take that cute girl he works with out to the Klambake for Kerry either.

Enough. I'm going to sleep.

Greedhead Go Home

2004-09-27T15:15:00.000-07:00

I play in a few local bands - not looking to get signed or "make it" or anything like that - its just a highly addictive habit I picked up in college and can't drop - I must play music and play it live, its too fun and gratifying not too. Plus it makes me feel real cool and stuff.

Now, there's something some scumsucking greedy business man disguised as a music type person devised, a little scam we call Pay To Play. Here's how it works:

Let's say you own a club. You want to make as much money as you possibly can. So you book bands to attract people to come in to your club (usually paying a cover charge at the door) and drink your marked up booze all night and party til closing time when you turn on the lights and shoo them home. Ok. That's fine. Here's where it gets slimy. Some clubs out here in LA, most notably the landmark clubs like the Whisky A Go Go, the Roxy, etc. will book a band to play there, and then give them a bunch of tickets to sell to their friends. The band has to sell ALL the tickets they give them, whatever they don't sell the band is responsible for paying to club. In other words, YOU pay THEM just to play the show - and they still charge the folks who do come $6 for fizzy-piss beer.

Why am I ranting about this? Because one of the bands I play in just booked one of these shows. And I'm only finding out now, after we've booked the show. Granted, I'm only responsible for selling three tickets, but still - a $10 a pop, just to see us and a couple of other no name bands play...this stinks of Greed and the all perverting factor in art called business. I'm a broke ass, my friends are broke asses...now I have to ask three people to cough up $10 to come see something they've seen for $5 and less a million times before, or I owe some scumwad greedhead promoter $30. What in the fuck.

In the unlikely event a concert promoter is reading this - I suggest you work in a soup kitchen or put broken glass in your shoes to atone for the misery you've no doubt caused countless musicians.

I'll take my record contract now, Mr. Geffen.

A Brief Disturbing Thought

2004-09-22T16:53:00.000-07:00

John Kerry's got a bad cold this week. Must suck - talk about a week where you really can't miss work. He's a trooper - out there gabbing all the time, sounding sick as a dog.

Now the disturbing thought. Consider for a moment George Bush (or Karl Rove, or whoever) is a master of the Dark Arts...and they hexxed Kerry to get him sick. Rove could be rubbing that cat bone in his pocket right now...

That is all.

Triumph of the Swill

2004-09-16T13:19:00.000-07:00

I just said I love my country in the last post. (I still do) And, on an individual level until they give me reason not to, I love my fellow Americans (and other human beings everywhere).

That being said, I think we can be a mean, sadistic bunch. We perfected the concept of "nerds" - we went out of our way to make it a cultural norm to say its not cool to be smart. "Put down the book, pick up that ball, what you readin' fer, faggot?" A Nation of Bullies.

Our entertainment and pop culture mirror this. We want to see successful people knocked down and humiliated. Or seeing just plain people made miserable will do too, anything to make us feel better about our own miserable unfulfilling lives (see my Reality TV rant from a few weeks ago). We fear intellect and complexities. We're more comfortable with ignorance and simplicity to the point of distortion. This is reflected in our current leader, and in our overall unyielding acceptance of him.

When I was writing my masters thesis, which focused intently on the early, pre-war period of Nazi Germany, one of my committee Professors told me that the type of personality in power becomes the dominant personality type throughout the culture, not just in politics but business and the arts as well. We've got a bullying fratboy at the wheel. This has become the exalted model for us. I see it on the TV, in the workplace, at the Mall.

That being said, if we want this guy out (Lord how I do), our Champion on the Field, John Kerry, is going to have to start fighting dirty and mean - dirtier and meaner than Lord Voldemor- er, George W. Bush.

John Kerry has to stop being nice. He's got to dumb down. Kindness and smarts are perceived as weakness. He needs an acerbic, arrogant tone in his voice. He needs to play like Bush does. He can go back to being the Stuffy Yankee Statesman once he gets in (he really sounds like Gandalf from the old Hobbit cartoon from the 70's - watch it and you'll see). For now, John Kerry needs to become the bigger bully on the playground. This isn't about what reasonable folks want anymore (was it ever?), and Heaven knows it was never about the issues. Like every election in the history of our Nation (and, I'll wager, the history of our species) this is a popularity contest. John Kerry had best get his John Wayne on, at least til November. Then we can talk reason and logic again, maybe. At least our circling of the drain would be slowed, somewhat.

So, John Kerry: You need a bottle of Jack Daniels, brass knuckles and a Motorhead album. Then hit the debates.

And yes, I know the title from this post is a Dead Kennedy's song.

Peggy Sue Got Married

2004-09-16T10:29:00.000-07:00

And so did I. The details of the Ceremony are way too private to post here in front of the planet, so I'll keep them to myself. Suffice to say, afterwards my wife and I found ourselves driving through the Ozarks, eventually ending up in her hometown in the rural Midwest. There I enjoyed unique Midwest cuisine, discharging firearms at clay targets and getting a 4-Wheeled ATV up to 62mph on rural backroads, surrounded by infinite fields of corn in all directions. I distinctly rememember at one point seeing a flag pole sticking up from a field, Old Glory waving in the wind. And I thought to myself, without a hint of sarcasm or cynicism:

I love this country.

And I do. The management is effed in the head, though. They gotta go.

Strike Up The Band

2004-08-26T17:45:00.000-07:00

Only if it's the Sex Pistols or the Dead Kennedys (in their 1970's incarnations) in front of Madison Square Garden. Enough of this Brotherhood of Man Through Sport pap we've been getting from Athens (though I've been intently watching the Olympian Games this year). I'm ready for red meat. I'm ready for deep throated, beery yells of camaraderie. I'm ready for The Republican National Convention.

I may have to drink quite a bit in order to stomach this, especially with Darth Cheney making his speech in less than a week. But I must watch this - for the production value if nothing else. I'm wondering if the same cinematic titans that orchestrated filming of the Reagan Funeral at the National Cathedral will be running this. Case in point: at the very end of the Memorial Service (which, on the one hand, was actually moving - there was still the image of grieving human family mourning the loss of Father and Husband - you've got to be an ideological robot if you can't sympathize or empathize with a family going through loss) - however, there was a positively, and I don't use these terms lightly, Riefenstahlesque quality about how it was shot - at the very end of the service, the camera starts with panoramic view of the Jefferson Memorial, than pans up to the sky, as if we were watching a soul ascend to heaven.

So I can only hope for similar entertainment value when the GOP gets their Lick On next week.

There's also been a lot of talk of violence from protesters and police. Well - I think both sides are creating the reality they want in that case. There are definitely violent "anarchists" or whoever that want to hurt police and people not smart enough to agree with them, just as I'm sure some of those wearing the NYPD Blue are looking forward to busting some hippie skulls.

Personally, I'm opposed to violence in just about any case except direct self defense - hurting people isn't going to solve anything or change any minds. What I am in favor of is the most effective weapon of all against the pompous goons who have hijacked our Republic: Humor. They don't have it, it's their Kryptonite. Return the fear they peddle with laughter. Charlie Chaplin knew that when he was making The Great Dictator. Watch it today, it still stands up.

And with that, I take my daily leave of JobOffice. Huzzah.

Living Things Need Sunlight

2004-08-24T09:24:00.000-07:00

I was considering removing that last post - I'm starting to sound like a pundit. So, no politics today - or at least, no governmental-type politics. Human beings, being social animals, are therefore political animals, even if only in the sense of if there is a group of three, two could be talking smack about the other at any given time.

Let's move even further away from that kind of stuff, but not so far. Today's focus settles us in JobOffice, the place where I work. A block from the shore of the Pacific. Not that I can ever crack a window for a cleansing ocean breeze in the afternoon, or see the sun sinking into the water in the evenings.

Long ago, probably sometime in the early to mid 1980's, an architect sat down at his/her drafting table (or were they already using Auto CAD by that point?) and designed the room I work in. They drew a big square with a door. No windows. Bam. There's your room. Next building please. Were they thinking what 99% of us are thinking while we shamble like zombies through the work week: "Hey, its a paycheck, right?"

My insides are liquefying. I think the coffee we drink here is cut with Silica Gel (the packets that come in various dry goods packages emblazoned with a Death's Head and the admonition DO NOT EAT) for the purposes of a longer shelf life. That combined with the lack of Vitamin D (no natural light) does not make for a healthful man.

Donut run, who's coming?

Alan Keyes: Chumpus Maximus

2004-08-12T15:26:00.000-07:00

How can this joker ridicule Hillary Clinton for running for senate in New York because she wasn't a native of the state, when this Maryland Crab Cake is running for a senate seat in the Great State of Illinois? According to Keys, Hillary was playing politics, he's taking a stand for God and Fetuses. You'd think the unborn could vote GOP they way the Elephants stand up for them. As soon as you exit the cervix your on your're own though, don't be asking Uncle Sam for nothing, no how.

Obviously Keys' GOP overlords needed someone to run against the unbelievably charismatic and well spoken Barack Obama - and who better to run than one of those elusive and rare creatures, the Black Republican. I would wager money that the N-Word was bandied about in the smoke filled room discussion where Keyes was chosen to run against the Obama Juggernaut - and I would also wager Keys wasn't there. I read Ellison's Invisible Man. I know what's up...to a degree.

I'm not Black, so I can't speak too much on the issue of the level of Keys' sell-outedness, but I listened to his interview on Fresh Air...and he's got one of the snidest New England Collegiate tones I've ever heard. Self-Satisfied-Self-Righteousness, the incomparable head rush that comes with knowing you're always right, all the time.

A few times in the interview, Keys referenced the fact that his ancestors were slaves. No doubt. And I'm sure he worked very hard to get where he is - the guy has a PhD from Harvard, they don't hand those out (at least don't think they do). Which makes it all the more puzzling why he would choose to pick up the banner for the Party that believes the gears of our economy are necessarily lubricated with the entrails of the poor - a large portion of whom are Black.

Ask Colin Powell. Now there's a guy I really don't get.

Terrible People doing Awful Things

2004-08-10T10:14:00.000-07:00

Pardon my opening this entry with profanity, but Fuck Reality Television. It's been almost five years since the big boom, and they've had their fun - can we have real TV Shows with STORIES back. I know its not cool to like/watch TV - but that's mainly because the people who make TV Shows have been conditioned by both their Executive Overlords and the audience at large that the surest and easiest buck is the lowest common denominator. Like most things I bitch about, nothing new in history - Shakespeare at The Globe had to compete with Bear Bating.

Last night I caught an Episode of Fear Factor and the Thrilling Conclusion of For Love or Money. TV Shows like these add to the reasons the US is on everyone else's shitlist.

Fear Factor: It was couples fear factor. I'm a big fan of this version of the show because we get to see the couples' relationship totally break down during the course of the show. Most of the guys turn stone hearted when it comes to their lover having to be submerged in maggots for thirty seconds - there's A LOT MONEY involved here, so as far as the guy is concerned, "The Bitch best not be fucking up" And whoa unto the poor lass who lets her man down - the best is the awkward, forced hug and acceptance of apology for Ruining Everything to look good for the cameras. You know they broke up on the flight home. Just once, I'd like to see a wiry little nerdy guy with a totally domineering wife who humiliates him on national TV, just in the interest of fair play.

For Love or Money: Not even worth wasting my breath on. Its as fixed as pro-wrestling.

Bring back Cop Rock. Ha.

Wacko Left, Meet Wacko Right

2004-07-27T09:36:00.000-07:00

It's convention time in America again! Time for oversized Uncle Sam hats, legions of flags and bunting, lots of bunting.

As I was driving home from my place of employ (JobOffice, USA), I tuned in Jimmy Carter's convention speech on the radio. The only station broadcasting it was KPFK, an affiliate of the Pacifica Radio network - which is a smaller radio network than NPR, and receives its funding only from listeners - therefore they're beholden to nobody, except the Salt Of The Earth folks who send in those precious dollars at Pledge Time.

I liked Carter's speech. I like Jimmy Carter. Was he a perfect President? Of course not, I dare you to open a history book and find me one. Better than the Pretender N Thief we have now? You bet. But the commentators on KPFK started ripping into Ol' Jimmy, and the rest of the Democrats, with that same old, tired, Nader Rhetoric from 2000 - corporate domination, no difference between the parties, blah blah blah.

I think it was Voltaire who said something about the Best becoming the enemy of the Good. That's what this is. I agree with Nader on a lot of the issues - hell, I voted for him last time (I can say that guilt free as my state carried Gore). But the fact is, we can't awake in a utopia overnight. This is the mistake made by Revolutionaries throughout time - it takes human beings awhile to adapt to new ideas. This is why most Revolutions (at least Political ones) end up taking on the form and function of whatever it was they were looking to replace.

I think what bothers me most about Nader and the KPFK folks is they're without humor. That's always a red flag for me - if you can't laugh at anything, least of all yourself, you're probably a wacko. They also seem so obsessed with creating the worker's paradise that they've forgotten to mix reality into the equation. They're idealogues - the other side of the GOP Coin, as it were. It almost seems if you go far enough right or left you'll meet your counterpart around the other side in the same spot - that weird Underworld of Idealism where human beings are expected to exist in a state that conflicts with their nature and programming as animals.

Nader said in 2000 that the Democrats needed to be "taught a lesson" by losing to the Republicans. There have been quite a few Hard Lessons in the past four years, one of which may have been that Nader was wrong about the parties. The Democratic Party needs a serious overhaul, but it is not one in the same with the Cross Wielding, Gun Loving GOP.

Score One for the Good Guys - Pt. 1 of 2

2004-07-22T09:46:00.000-07:00

Like many freedom-hating Americans, I'm a member of Move-On.org. I had forgotten they were sending me a free Anti-Bush sticker in the mail for all the pointing, clicking, and making-a-difference I've done for the Cause. You can imagine my surprise and glee when I discovered it in my mailbox yesterday along with the 8th menu the new Thai place down the street has foisted on me.

The Bumper Sticker, which reads simply "Defend America, Defeat Bush", is printed in the Cadillac of bumper sticker styles, vinyl paper. It's highly durable, suiting it perfectly for the vile scheme I have in mind for it.

I turn my eyes Westward, across the street, to the House of the Evil Elephants...

I would like to pause a moment and congratulate myself at this point for reducing my enemy to the state of the sub-human "other". Rather than call my across the street neighbors "people", I've begun referring to them as either "Elephants", "Mustard Eaters", etc. That's me, making the world a better place.

Point being: I'm going to wait until the wee hours of the morning, slip across the street with ninja-like grace, and affix the bumper sticker to the sidewalk directly in front of their door. I'm of two minds as to which way the text should face: Face it towards the door, and its the first thing they read when they step outside to get their morning paper, or face it towards the street, and confuse their friends when they come to visit.

I'm also thinking of investing in one of those lapel flag pins...I think they help you get away with stuff.

Stay tuned for the post-game show.

Attack of the Mustard Eaters

2004-07-16T08:41:00.000-07:00

Zeus on high, will this plague never end? Those pesky Elephants across the street were at it AGAIN last night.

Yes, the landed gentry of Bev Hills Adj. decided to throw another "Presidential Party" in honor of our sitting Prentender-n-Thief and his weak hearted string puller. Last night was more a monied, blue haired crowd, as opposed to the chubby Polo Shirts and khakis we saw last time.

It was all I could do not to start screaming and throwing my own excrement at them as I passed their little putsch on the way into my apartment. That's the level of base primate anger these folks evoke in me. This little soiree was a FUND RAISING EVENT. For the incumbents! The Republican, Oil Burning, Blood Drinking incumbents. How could they possibly need more money? Maybe they're scared. We can only hope. The GOP isn't exactly a Mom and Pop Operation.

To top it all off, later on in our apartment we had to deal with hearing the occasional car horn blast as passing motorists showed their support for sending our boys to die in the desert for a business scheme, exporting American jobs overseas and clamping down on our freedoms.

But I guess all that don't matter so much if you're greed-sick and can only perceive and process the Universe around you in terms of dollars, cents and a balance ledger.

Those fuckers across the street should be the ones in Iraq - they're the ones driving the H2's and the Escalades that are guzzling up the oil we're over there to liberate. If you think for one second we invaded Iraq for any other reason besides oil and augmenting our sphere of influence I've got a Y2k survival kit I'd like to sell you.

Drool, Britainia!

2004-07-15T11:03:00.000-07:00

What's with the rampant Anglophilia lately in pop culture, most notably, pop music?

I'm referring to a phenomena I've noticed more than once in local (Los Angeles) bands...the music is just your standard rock n roll, nothing too bad or too great, but then the singer comes in - and he/she sings with an affected English accent. To quote a wise man: wick, wick, wack! People are free to do whatever they want, and they're not hurting anyone - but man, it's still annoying. I think what bugs me about it is I feel it's disingenuous.

I suppose its not that much different than skinheads (the non-racist types, mostly) going out of their way to dress like working-class English kids in the 60's. Just another fad or fashion calling itself a movement.

But what enamours us (as Americans) so about the English? Is it because somehow culturally we see them as our progenitor? Maybe somewhere deep in the American psyche we still hold a subservient view of ourselves in relation to them, after all, we were a Colony of the Empire. Maybe its just the accent. I know I like it - issuing from an actual English mouth only though.

Bitch Slapped by the Invisible Hand

2004-07-12T16:42:00.000-07:00

I just got out of a 401k meeting for my place of employ. As my friend Ramses II once said, "The only way to acquire wealth in this country is to invest". I totally agree. I've been wanting to invest for some time. At my old job, I went in to find about the 401k plan there. Here are some of the companies I would have been giving money to via the mutual fund:

Philip Morris - Selling cancer to Teenagers
General Electric - Makers of nuclear weapons
Coca Cola - Nuff Said.

Needless to say, I didn't want any of my money going to fuel any of these nefarious groups' dastardly plans. "I'll show you, World", I thought, "I'll invest independently"

Five minutes later I was dejected. After a call to Charles Schwab, I found out that if I didn't have ten grand to lay out Wall Street wanted nothing to do with me. All for the best in the end though, I was laid off a few weeks after that.

Back to the subject at hand. In the meeting the Finance Guy said to me "You don't want to end up like those Old People in the Supermarket bagging groceries. They didn't save"

That last bit sounded like a bit of a verbal finger wag to said Old People. Like they should have known better. I bit my tongue, as a wise person once told me to choose my battles. But I was pissed here's why.

Up until a few months ago, my Granpa was one of those Old People. He busted his ass his whole life working - his having to work had more to do with the medical coverage and just being able to get out and do something than anything else. He was laid off (must be genetic), but luckily the Company is still helping with the benefits. He's one of the lucky ones.

Call me a socialist (which I'm not) but I feel if you make it past a certain age and worked and gave of yourself to the Tribe (read in this case: United States), as an honored elder you should be supported. Social Security should have been that - but we all know Social Security is doomed. My anger at this culture's not honoring and caring for its elders is a whole other post...I'll stick to the matter at hand.

My basic beef with all this high-falootin' investment talk is that, as complex and cryptic as the machinations of the market and high finance are to me- they're still not immune from that omnipresent driving factor of the human condition: Greed. Example: Ken Ley and Co. rape their employees' whose toil put them on their golden thrones. They took their retirement funds. Even if Kenny Boy has to go bust rocks upstate, the Little Guys get dick-all. Nothing new in the course of human events - the rich do as they please, the poor pay for it, the end. I have little to no faith in the System, because its run by humans, and is inherently flawed and vulnerable.

That being said, I'm signing up for the 401k. At least until Someone Somewhere figures out what a jewel I am and starts paying me what I'm really worth.

At which point I will buy all my readers a nice juicy steak. At one of those fancy places where the come around with crumbled Bleu Cheese to put on your steak after its served. Boo ya.

Happy Birfday 'Merica.

2004-07-06T09:23:00.001-07:00

The old broad turned 228 on Sunday. I celebrated on El Segundo Beach (did not leave my wallet there) with the fiance and some friends. Hebrew Nationals and Brats were grilled side by side in harmony, we listened to Oldies radio as the sun dipped into the Pacific and jets roared out of LAX - we were located directly under the take off pattern. The beach was sparsely populated as El Segundo is located right between the big LA coastal communites like Santa Monica, Venice and Malibu to the north and Huntington Beach and so on to the south. So we had a distant view of around four or five different fireworks shows from where we were, and the soothing hum of the water treatment plant behind us to ease our frazzled nerves. God Bless America (and everywhere else, for that matter)

Dirty Sex, Clean Murder

2004-06-23T11:47:00.000-07:00

This morning while waiting for my lovely fiance to get her coffee at the store, I perused the magazine rack. This was in a hoity-toity supermarket on the outskirts of Beverly Hills (Bev. Hills Adj. as they say on those "premium" apartment hunting guides) so all the magazines were entertainment industry trades. On the cover of the Hollywood reporter, an update that the FCC will start gouging networks and other broadcasters even MORE money if they anybody says Dirty Words.

Why this country has the collective maturity level of a three year old when it comes to certain words I do not know. ("He said #*&$&? I'm telling everyone what he just said!")It's almost as if there was some magic property to profanity - like if I say $@#$! enough it will be the last straw with the Almighty, Jesus will descend right there on the spot and smite me along with the other un-clean un-saved infidels, and George W. Bush will take his place at the right hand of the Celestial Throne. Hell-fire.

Strange that the words that are most feared are the ones that refer to those things that make us most human: idioms dealing with sex and bodily functions. Almost as if they didn't want either of them to happen anymore. Now sure, there's a time an place for everything - any adult with half a brain knows not to discuss their sexual peccadilloes if there's a young kid in the room, the same way I wouldn't go into a long story about "the crap that almost took me" if I was sitting down to Pate de Fois Gras in some fancy shmancy restaurant (even in Bev Hills Adj.)

Violence? Murder? Torture? Rape? Have at! All channels, all the time. Prove me wrong - whether its staged or on the "news", we are a bloodthirsty lot when it comes to what we watch. If the networks' sexual/scatalogical content was equally proportional to the violence they show, Hustler would look as tame as Mad Magazine.

There's always the argument made by Moral Crusaders (who I suspect whip themselves in front of a portrait of Reagan while kneeling in broken glass) that they are looking to protect our nation's youth. Monkey See, Monkey Do, that kind of thing. (Of course, Parents couldn't, oh, I don't know, take a little more responsibility and take the time to talk to their kids, find out what they're watching and how they process it...naw. Blame Ozzy and Dungeons and Dragons. All those late nights at the office have nothing to do with it)

I guess what really gets me is we don't have "cool" Champions of the First Amendment like we used to. Lenny Bruce (not that I agree with everything he said) - but at least he was being censored for his ideas...not for just being a potty mouth. Two Live Crew...meh. Their music would still suck if it was squeaky clean.

You wanna know what's obscene? A bunch of working class kids dying in business scheme disguised as a war, commanded by a "man" who never earned a dollar in his life.

Don't expect the gubmint to get on that anytime soon though.

Grand Ol' Party at Ground Zero

2004-06-18T10:17:00.000-07:00

Man, I don't want this (or myself) to turn into one continuous diatribe against the Powers That Be. I'm assuming most folks who read this will either know me and/or agree with me, so I'm preaching to the choir. Which is all any pundits do these days. Everybody gets themselves worked up in conversations with folks who agree with them, but nobody is really trying to see the other side of anything.

But I made the mistake of peeping the Today Show before departing the house this morning. Now I'm all riled up.

There sat Dick Cheney, bearing a striking resemblance to the Iraqi Information Minister in his refusal to accept The Facts. You remember that guy, last year while the War was still going the way the Greedheads on the Hill wanted it to - The Info Minister would make appearances claiming that US Troops were begging for mercy while our tanks rolled around behind him. Did he know he was lying? Sure, but he had to maintain the Official Reality of the State - otherwise his life would have been forfeit.

So, now these reports come out, plain as day, black and white: NO IRAQ/AL QUAIDA LINK.

Anybody who bought that there was ever a link hasn't done their homework.

Cheney even referenced the Prague meeting between Mohammad Atta and an Iraqi agent, which was revealed to be a falsehood many moons ago. A year ago, the Honorable Senator Byrd said the house of cards built by this Administration will come tumbling down. Well down it comes - and nobody's changing their minds on anything, I don't think. If there is any justice in this world, all these scoundrels will have to work an eternal shift at the McDonald's on the Astral Plane. You know they've got one there.

In the long run, I don't expect the human species to make any gigantic strides. The first thing we do with new technology is apply it to killing each other. For whatever reason, we continue to behave like pack animals - living from a place of fear in our lives, rallying around the Alpha males. Its an outmoded survival behavior from when we were living in caves - too bad we can't just stop using it like we did with our appendix. I suppose I'm a short term optimist and a long-term pessimist. Bush and Co. have screwed things up royal at home and abroad, hopefully Kerry will get in. There's a party at my buddy's to go to this weekend, its a beautiful day outside. So I'm happy about that.

But my faith in our species is low. We either get over this evolutionary stumbling block of needing to kill and subjugate each other or we won't be long for this world. Our catapults get bigger and meaner, but we're still those frightened, grunting monkeys from the beginning of 2001. Maybe the reptiles will get another shot at it after us.

Here's to ya on payday.

Cheeseburger in Paradise Lost

2004-06-10T12:56:00.000-07:00

Awright, you can look to any other media from now until Friday to be inundated with images and words about Reagan...and enough politics anyway. I'm sick of it. I wanna talk about hamburgers.

I live in Los Angeles, which has a bad reputation for all sorts of things, and a good reputation for nothing. Most people aren't interested in the positive aspects of unpopular things. In my time here, I've been gouged by the City for probably thousands of dollars in parking tickets, robbed at knife point and cut off in traffic. I still love it here. One reason is the hamburgers.

L.A. is not known as a Food City - not in the way that when I say "New York", you might think "Pizza", or if I said "Kansas City", you'd think "Barbecue" or if you heard someone say in a stump speech, "Rochester, NY", the image of a Sloppy Plate from Texas Hots would form in your mind, and you'd be on the next Greyhound upstate to git you one.

L.A. proved to the be the culinary Petri dish for the Cheeseburger, just as Philly birthed the Cheese Steak from its grimy loins of asphalt. Sure, there's the smaller chains, like In N Out (who actually treat their employees like human beings, and have a fun secret code method of ordering), or Fatburger, which is just as good and has a no-nonsense name that you gotta at least tip your hat at. What I love though, are the independently owned fast food joints. Like Hi-Life Burger in South Pasadena, or the one remaining Great American Burger on Sunset. (though the weirdo and Freak population at Great American is often a little too high for those with more pedestrian tastes). Tom's is great - they've got 25 locations, each numbered, like Tom's #5, in Culver City. (I pause to tip a 40 for my comrades flippin patties)

The Secret? Wrapping the burger in wax paper to catch all the heart-stopping goodness that oozes out. The sound of the paper crackling as you remove it...ooo.

There. I said something positive. More invective and anger tomorrow. I've got a bone to pick with kids my age...

That Bush, He Ain't no Reagan

2004-06-09T09:28:00.000-07:00

Props to my fiance for coining that phrase. We have some Elephants living across the street from us - they had a "Presidential Party" a few weeks ago. The Scene: A delightful evening in Los Angeles, slightly below 70 degrees, the sky is orange as the sun sets. I'm getting in my car, on my way somewhere, when from across the street I hear the dreaded chant "Four More Years! Four More Years!" Oy. I look over to see a gaggle of polo shirts and pleated pants waddling around, grazing on mini-quiche and Bud Light. I had to bite my tongue and not say anything - after all, Freedom Of Speech is only that when we let those not enlightened enough to agree with ourselves have their say, right? I couldn't even get my Car Stereo working in time to blast the Sex Pistols as I drove away in adolescent fury.

Point being, now we have to endure the sight of signs such as: GOD BLESS BUSH AND OUR TROOPS (no problem with the Troops - I have issues with the men who assumed power in 2000)Anyway, my Lady Fair thought, in light of the passing of the Gipper, to put up a sign that read "Bush is no Reagan". I thought that was great. I'm planning on seeking across the street in the wee hours of the morning with some sidewalk chalk and scrawling it so it's the first thing they see on their way to the H2.

Now, there's no love lost between me and Ronald Reagan. True, I was but a young pup during his Administration, yet even then I knew this guy was not on the up and up. My big tip off? The Trip to Bitburg cemetery. As a young Jewish kid, I had an intense interest in World War II (and still do) - so when Reagan laid wreathes in a German military cemetery where members of the SS were buried - despite protests from all over (gotta secure those good trade relations with West Germany), I smelled a big, elephant shaped rat. He made a trip to the Treblinka Death Camp earlier that day (added to his schedule after he started taking heat over the upcoming Bitburg visit), made a speech...then still honored the fallen SS - he even went as far to say that the perpetrators of the atrocities were just as much victims as the prisoners. I can see where he was coming from with that...but the timing, phrasing and delivery were way off. Iran Contra rolled around a few years after that, and again, even to a little kid in front of the TV, the people supposed to be running the free world answering every question with "I Don't Recall" well...

But the sight of Reagan doesn't cause the upsurge of bile in my throat that our current Pretender in Chief does. Why? Because despite everything, the cynicism of the Bush regime isn't there. Reagan actually worked his way up in the world - true, he ended up a rich Hollywood actor who espoused the values and outlook of the monied right (such as the ridiculous misconception that poor people are poor because they're lazy, not because we have an economic system that relies on keeping people in mad debt to function)

Reagan grew up in Middle America at the Dawn of The American century - before JFK, Vietnam, Watergate...all those awful signposts in history that make me believe nobody but a scoundrel could advance past County commissioner in our current government. He really did believe in God, Mom and Apple Pie. And Tax Cuts for the Rich. And bloated Military spending.

Now, of course Bush I was always looming in the back, Martin Boormann-like - the puppet master perhaps, of the unwitting, well intentioned Grandpa. Reagan was maybe the diet version of the awfulness we have now. He was certainly the Prophet of the GOP- more so than Goldwater or Nixon ever was. The fascination with being near his remains strikes me as ghoulish and mediaeval. I wouldn't be surprised if there's a religion based around the guy in not too long. Everything needed is there - even the resurrection story - the assassin's bullet that struck him down, yet he rose again. It will be interesting to watch the Reagan Myth (I mean that in terms of a Heroic Story-Legend more than a fallacious tale) develop over the next few years.

WILKOMMEN!!! BIENVENUE!!! BIENVENIDOS!!! WELCOME!!! (Insert Negelected Language Here)

2004-06-08T08:59:00.000-07:00

Huzzah for the Creation of my Blog!

(I pause here to listen to my voice echo off the eddies of the cyber-ether)

This has been a long time coming. An ex-girlfriend of mine had prodded me to start one of these a few years ago - I didn't then because it seemed, well, to be honest, lame. Much like people in my age demographic (those who missed being cool Gen-Xer's by a hare's breath), I think its too early to judge just what impact the Internet has and will have on us as a culture...maybe even as a species. However, the whole trend of Live Journals, On-Line long distance relationships, on-line forums where good conversations quickly digress into mud-slinging and wound-licking...it all turns me off. The internet's wonderful, but the first thing we did with it was make it another medium for pornography - says something about where our priorites is at, hmm? I think the net, in addition to providing me with cheap airline tickets and a way to steal music, has spawned a host of new social neuroses (what's the plural on that?). I know because I'm neurotic and we can smell our own. So there.

The point is, recently I've been reading the blogs of some other folks, most notably one written by Ramses II (check it out at www.thenfactor.blogspot.com) and I realized a blog could serve two useful purposes:

1. I can sound off about my pleasures and frustration with the world around me. Hence the title. I spit and froth when I get worked up about something.

2. As a writer, this is a great "sketchbook" for me. A way to write when I'm blocked on whatever else.

So. There we are. My first post. Let's see how regularly I do this. Now, one last question...

How do I get anyone to read this crap?